Something I wrote a while back, bored so posting.

And it is always just a little bit surprising when the problems begin because for a little while things were okay. Although many things were going horribly wrong I felt nothing. (Which is probably a worry in itself?)

He was right about hope being corrosive.

And it wasn’t my fault at all this time. This time I had to act as the adult (which is hard when you’re about 30 years younger than the person you’re arguing with). It’s safe to say I hated the experience.

I guess I’m just a little tired.

Do you know that feeling you had when you were a child and your parents were yelling at you for something you didn’t do? And you’re telling them, No it wasn’t me.
And you try to get that across to them but they don’t listen and they just kept getting angrier because now you were Talking Back. And you’re standing there defending yourself, little hands balled into fists with your defiant expression, No I will not back down, I know I’m right and if you’re too stupid to see then I can’t help you but I will not let you blame me for something I didn’t do. But the tears are escaping though you did try hard to hold them in and the world is getting blurry and you feel so frustrated because Oh God Why Won’t They Believe Me? And the injustice of it all is so heart breaking and It Would Feel So Good To Just Throw Something and the urge to just scream is just so strong. One long straight scream filled with all the pain and unfairness, frustration and anger that they have instilled into your life with their false accusation and refusal to believe you. So you start attacking them with the only words you have, I Hate You and they get a stunned look on their face (Although during your teenage years you will use it so often the effect will wear off). How Dare You Say That To Us, We Raised You For so and so years, We Paid For Your Food, Your Clothing And Everything Else, Including Your Toys And This Is How You Repay Us? For God’s Sake I Carried You For Nine Months (and you were not a tiny baby). And then comes the banishment, and you’re curled up in your bed crying under the covers, hoping that those three words did to them what their accusation did to you. You hope that any minute now they will come in with their apologies and ask forgiveness but they never do. They never will.

It all gets worse until it gets to the point where you mean it every time you play the hate card. Oh Man do you hate them. Every single one of their mannerisms irritate you and Oh when they speak it makes you angry so angry, regardless of what their saying. What’s that? You want me to have a good day? Yeah, maybe if you left...Bitch.