Saturday's drama.

I don’t know what you expected to read on this blog, a witty observation on the society of today? An attack against so and so,, who’s opinions I disagree with? Perhaps you have come here for a quick laugh?

You will unfortunately find none of these things today, not here. I give you in its stead a piece of self-reflection.

I find that I am becoming increasingly unhappy with who I am, and I do not mean I am unsatisfied with my body.

There are these three guys.
One is twenty five with bad teeth, who might I add used to do drugs.
The second is a nineteen year old mechanic who wouldn’t even buy a $1 can of coke for charity (bit of a douche bag).
The third is seventeen, an okay guy, he’s nice and everything but a bit too hairy and my mothers friends son.
None of them are what I am usually attracted to. I mean they smoke, their Arabic (Hey I can say that because I am Arabic :p), bit thick and not the usual intelligent sarcastic bastards I love.

I feel bad for saying those things about number three and one; they are decent guys you know? I mean number one spent eight hours selling Krispey Kremes to raise money for Westmeads Children Hospital. Whereas that bastard number two wouldn’t even buy a single doughnut!

But basically how this all connects with my being unhappy with myself is this, I lead them on, all on the same day. See dating one and three is out of the question, and I might just be keeping two because…he is male? I don’t like him, at all really.

It might be best that I don’t like him, it makes it easier not to get emotional. I know relationships are supposed to be filled with emotions, such as fondness, but I’m just in it for the hugs, possibly for the make out sessions…

So I am the kind of girl who would go out with someone she doesn’t like.
My friends don’t like that, my family wouldn’t like it if they knew. They’ll never know.
It doesn’t matter to them, not having a male to be close to. I rather wish it wouldn’t matter to me, that would be awesome.
But it does, and I am a self-indulgent child.

I worry for myself.